May 21, 2013

Texas Chainsaw 3d (spolier heavy)

Okay first off I am sorry this review is so late. Well I am not gonna lie you readers I wasn't planning on doing a review on this film, but after I saw how awful this film was I had to do one. Well this is going to be more of a rant so super amount of spoilers in this review. I am going to give you guys a little background on why this film is so bad. I love the first Texas Chainsaw massacre . I am not talking about the bullshit 2003 one. I am talking about the old school Tobe Hooper one. The reason why I mention that one is because this film starts off with images form that film making this film its sequel reboot of type thing. That movie takes place in 1974. Keep that in mind people.

So the film opens. First shot of the film there is this huge family of like 5 or 6 people. Which doesn't make any sense because there was no big 5 or 6 member family in the first one. (Kyle begins to bang his head against the stone wall in front of him) Well their was they were all killed mostly. Then these guys from "town" come in and kill off all the members of the family except for 2 people a baby (not in the in the first one) and leatherface of course. These guys that kill the whole family just kill them. So I am sitting here watching the movie and was like are they serious about to do this. Are they about to make the big bad guy of Hooper's film a good guy. Yes everybody they do they make him the good guy, but I am getting ahead of myself. So after the family is killed the film goes forward lets say 20 or so years. Making it around 1994. The little baby girl grows up into the real main character. Heather played by Alexandra Daddairo who is the best part of the whole damn movie. Just because i can look at her for a hour and half. She finds out her grandma dies and finds out she is adopted and all the cliche horror movie stuff. So we go to the house which has leatherface in the basement. Shit happens and people start to get killed. You will not care because the characters are complete bullshit and horribly acted. Also you won't be scared once and if you are scared its because of stupid freaking jump scare (which aren't even that good).

Then we get to the second half of the film and some how the movie gets worse I honestly don't know how they did that. Heather is running from leatherface and gets to a carnival. In which form some odd reason nobody really freaks out that there is a mad man with a chainsaw. She gets away form him. Thank god because then the movie would be over. We get all this dialogue about how nobody went to jail for killing that family and Heather figuring out who she is. During the scene were Heather is figuring out who she is a cop goes and looks at the house where Leatherface is. He pulls out a Iphone so we can see is happening to him and so the the sheriff (who is the worst sheriff of all time) at HQ can see. But wait isn't the fucking 90's. How the fuck is there a Iphone the fucking 90's. Sorry got off track. The cop of course gets killed. Then Heather leaves the police station and gets to a bar and figures out more information and after that she gets capture by the leader of gang that killed the family at the beginning. So guess who comes to save the day. That's right ladies and gentleman good old Leatherface. He comes in and kills the man that killed his whole family and almost killing Heather but only doesn't because there is a burn mark on breast. Which tells Leatherface that she family. The sheriff also sees this whole thing goes down. Just lets them go. So he can live with himself about letting the family die at the beginning of the film. So Heather returns with Leatherface and takes care of him. Fade to credits. ( Kyle is dead form head trauma from hitting his head against the wall)

I am sorry how the hell did this movie get made. Like were they just put something on the screen it will sale. Its a horror movie and only teenage boys are going to this movie and guess what it went to number one. Why do we let this happen. This why Horror films get a bad rep. I love horror films good horror films. Like Insidious or Sinister or for those true horror fans that liked The Innkeepers. Those are what horror films can be and instead we get this shit. I am sorry for all the cursing, but my god this movie made me so mad. For the love of god don't pay money to see this. Don't even see it for free. Just run away from it.

RATING
1 out of 5 Ticket Stubs ( the first 1 I have ever given out)

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